lacking culture

i try. but it's hard to find around here.... oh we got plenty of culture of a certain type. but it's when it comes to the finer things... the things i remember from my childhood. the symphony, the ballets, the twice off broadway shows... the art lessons we balked at, the piano lessons we quit, etc etc... ya know THOSE things...

*it is entirely possible that i remember these events more grandly than i should. it is possible that they were just as half baked as the things we seem to catch down this way. it is possible that i never noticed my mother laughing into her scarf at the awkward ballerinas trying so desperately to stay in step, maybe i just didn't hear her cynical remarks abut what theater used to be like, before it was spoiled by the generation not raised to appreciate blah blah blah... it is entirely possible that i am just old(er) now, and the magic that i remember could be just as real for the kids; if i were to just keep my cynical trap shut ...

seriously though. i'm tired of trying to refine my brood in this climate. it doesn't exactly help that they themselves are wild banshees happier to be out in the woods or in the mud than sitting in a darkened high school auditorium on a sunny afternoon.
and so it goes for the nutcracker. let's keep it simple and say we didn't leave all gumdrop eyed and twinkly feeling. *sigh*
here are few snapshots of our experience:

hazey decides she will dance her own version which consists of much mockingly big gestures and clown faces.
Jhrma loved the first half until the snowflake dance and then had to say (outloud) "are they kidding us, or what?"
intermission - thayer asks if we can go because she is pretty sure reading the book would be better than THIS.
*should have taken the cue then and just gone - but i was determined to get through this one!
we switched seats around in hopes of maintaining more order,,, bad move*
jhrma leans over and whispers "well i think the trees in this dance are SEXY!" *i should NOT have laughed*
again with the leaning and the whispering "wow - these people need a dance teacher" *Shhhhhhh.......!*
"hey mom - who gave that skinny one dance licence?" *growl*
and then i lost it when the theater was silent and expectant (which happens when the music isn't cued just on time) and he says in not so great of a whisper and in somewhat of a mobster accent "what is she wearing- toilet paper!?!" *laughter and tears and total blush*

we left. early. none all that upset. which upsets me. we should have left dancing and believing in all things light and magical and merry... hot chocolate should have followed in a warm little cafe with an elf wandering around dropping candy canes in our pockets and looking out the hand painted window we would see ice skaters all bundled making ice fly up to meet the snow falling down. There would be a very realistic santa with at very least a real beard... instead we drive over the high schools speed bumps and we try to find something not entirely disgusting on the radio. a tumbleweed blows out in front of us.
we laugh about the show on the way and all agree we could have just stayed home "because at least we had pie for dessert."


step up some bigness

to do more tacky things with the littles
enjoy the outdoors without function
write letters and place on them a stamp
show up unexpected at an old mans' door
speak out to injustices - even the very wee ones
do more inviting into my life - into my day
be a bit more vulnerable
wear jeans a bit less
or at least wash that one pair a bit more
25 push ups before coffee
more afternoon coffees
books outloud even in the daylight
pet more furry creatures
hug the mini-peoples
hold doors open for strangers and smile to them in the eye
speak blessings on the kids
gratefulness and graciousness

these are the things i should be doing