explained to thayer tonight the workings of a mama's mind. explained WHY i'm on my feet runnin' for 18 hours a day (we counted) and WHY i only sleep a GOOD four and a half. laughed as i related the million thoughts in a single day and how hard it is to keep them organized when there are screamin' babes and bickerin' sibs. how i need them to just GO TO SLEEP so i have one less distraction and how for a mama at the 15 hour mark this is crucial to her own sanity and the safety of her kids... i told her sometimes i have to pee for hours! how as a mama you have to do what needs to be done and sacrifice your own comfort and desires. why when you do decide you can't take it any longer you go to pee and a baby follows close behind yelling "mama - mama" so you don't even close the door. how you wouldn't trade it for the world - but WONDER sometimes why you ever did. we laughed so hard she couldn't breathe - the telling of all was much more animated than i can relate here. sometimes i can be pretty damn funny. sometimes i wish i could be more. more often. fun! i know i work too hard at what i do and don't just sit to read. she overheard me on the phone tonight tell a friend it's my own fault i don't rest more. read more. photo more. breathe more. while i was still on the phone she picked a book off the shelf for me and wrapped it up as a gift. teachings on love - thich nhat hahn... she gave me a gift. she opened the door for a fun conversation. she is the reason i do these things. the reason i will do it all again tomorrow... opening it up my eyes fell on this prayer " may he/she be peaceful, happy, and light in body and in spirit. may he/she be free of injury. may he/she live in safety. may he/she be free from anger, disturbance, fear,worry, and anxiety." even in the moment where i finally sit for a moment to myself - i am reminded - i am not alone...
