alaska bound

about a month ago pat and i started talking about moving up to alaska. pack up the zoo. seek out a new adventure in the little town of talkeetna. for you tv watchers of fine taste - this is the town that northern exposure was based upon and modeled after. a town of -700 yr. round populants on the edge of the denali.
i knew better than to wrap my heart around the idea - as we tend to make and break plans faster than the mtn weather changes... and yet... somehow. i have.
not that we have ruled it out - but the music thing is starting to roll again - and the idea of a move is looking more and more like a distant dream.
this has caused quite an emotional upheaval for me. a catalyst. i was content on the mtn. and now... i'm torn.
i was rooted to this spot six months ago. today i am prepared to sell our belongings - pack a covered wagon - and treck through this vast land to a new frontier. i wake up at night craving salmon. i want the kids to taste life. a life bigger than what we can show them here.
it's so easy to create that actuality in a faraway fantasy land.
and then that little voice whispers... the realities sink deep... the idea of wintering it with small children frightens me... i remind myself that not long ago i wanted so badly to move to guatamala. i check my motives and ask myself 'am i just wanting an escape'? perhaps. and yet..
i want to go. begin again and live. refusing to settle for a life of routine and comfort. refusing to trudge along where we are - always wishing we had done it just a little bit differently.
knowing deep down location is only a part of it. the scenery would change indeed. but would we? really? bound for... can turn to... bound by... in a thump.
and yet... and yet... the theme song plays on in my mind. the camera pans out and a cariboo takes a few slow steps...