cycle broken

moment of truth here. the last few weeks found me in a viscious cycle. overwhelmed is the word i used as i battled the others from my mind. words like depression. words like frustrated. annoyed. intolerant. tired. hormonal. and bitter...
i felt like the photo. grey. misty. on a downward grade that unlike the sign would last much much longer than the promised five miles.

everyone told me to eat. everyone told me it was normal to feel this way with babes in the house. everyone told me to rest. offers of help poured in.
i didn't *feel* like eating. i wasn't hungry. no - it couldn't be normal to want to give your kids to the next passing stranger. i was falling fast and hard and i hated who i was... a good day was a numb day. a cycle. a cycle...

and now. i'm eating. the hunger triggers are back and i obey. my milk supply is boosted and my baby is sleeping again and allowing me some rest. i've accepted the help and not felt guilty. i feel human again. happy indeed. singing to my wild monkeys and enjoying my life...

my life as a sleepy forgetful mama.