moment of truth

here i am. trying to quickly down two eggrolls. catch up. reconnect.
it has been a blasted few weeks... i've been stressed. DE-preSSed. it's been hot! welcome to arizona. it's dry. i took four pregger-tests over the last two weeks. all negative. thank the gods above below and hovering all about. i halfway wanted a positive though. i was being a bad mama and downright bitchy. i really needed an explanation and a scapegoat for the way i was feeling and acting. like i told my sis - what better than to blame my next unborn! welcome little ones to a really f*ck*d up world. coming to grips with the fact that no - my hormones are just really whacky now. i'm stressed out. burnt up. and tired. oh so very tired.
so ladida... sunday the cloud lifted and i have been happy and at peace. more or less. yesterday the kids got sick. i am running on the 30 mins of sleep/anythingelse - 30mins of walking baby cycle. which now gives me about six more mins to wrap this up... and take a shower.
i'm a smelly mama too. i can handle this now. if the kids were ill last week i would be in australia now. ALONE!
from one sweaty mama to the world out there - love love love!
*he's got a timer built in - and no shower tonight! sigh...