it isn't enough

it's your unmentionable birthday. when i heard the number i was shocked. noooo... really? it doesn't seem possible. you are still the wild and crazy. the singer of made up songs. the hysterical laugher. the wild emotion crier. the impulsive. the steadfast.
our lives would be a bit duller without you. Possibly much more predictable but more passe.
words are not enough. gifts are not enough. how can i repay a lifetime of sacrifice and investment?
if i have given back one thing - it is this. two grandchildren. and i can retell your story. Mimic you in song. i can say 'now i know. now i understand. i appreciate it all. i thank you.'
but then it's i who benefits most.
i can't count the tears. the hugs. the laughter. the dollars spent at our thrift shops. the walks. or the glass we've collected. but i know - even if i could - it wouldn't be enough. not enough to say i love you. to show how much i admire you. to thank you for putting up with me through the years.
so i will sing 'the cannibal king' a million times. i will tell wild tales. i will try to be a little more spontaneous and allow myself some embarrassment. i will cry a little harder and laugh a little louder. you've taught me what a mother is - and i can only try to honor that.
on your birthday. i cherish another year. mom. it's love.